anni05's Diaryland Diary



I feel so lonely

this coming right after being outside in the middle of the night. I've been kind of scared of being outside in the dark as of last night, because I thought I heard what sounded like a child. this was at around 2 am. I live kind of in the middle of nowhere as well. there are a couple of houses nearby, but it's always pretty quiet anyway. all I know is if you hear something like that, you run. but it could be that it wasn't the sound I thought. I'm a little on edge that time of night anyway--for my literal entire life I've been terrified of things like demons and ghosts. there are still nights I can't sleep with the light off, even with my night light. I don't know why I've always been like this. maybe it was being exposed to real-life ghost stories on TV at the age of four, or my sister traumatizing me by telling me our house was haunted and she's seen/heard shit. maybe it was my own experiences, most notably the one where I heard a bloodcurdling scream in the kitchen that no one else heard. or the time I was attacked by something unseen in my dad's house, thankfully only for a few seconds. maybe I'm just literally insane. who knows.

sometimes I think I should make a Twitter again, even though it's arguably the most toxic social media platform of all. people would think I was some weird sock account though. and I'd still be lonely, because I'd be afraid to come off private. I'm afraid of making friends anymore, especially internet friends. people aren't the wonderful people they pretend to be and I'm sick of it. I've never liked lies or liars. people hurt you and then play the victim. but I'm so fucking lonely all the time. I talk to myself almost all day long as if somebody's there.

I don't have a point for this entry. it's stupid.

1:52 am - 04.19.21


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