anni05's Diaryland Diary



ive been worrying ever since the beginning of this that when my mom finally realized it's over between us forever, that she's going to become so enraged that she'll do something awful--show up at my apartment, using the spare key she still has to get in without permission, or drop the cats in front of my door, still flea-ridden due to her neglect and lack of compassion. she has threatened in the past to leave them behind if we/she moved. she can be a horribly cruel person, and refuses to see herself that way. in her mind, everything she does is right and perfect. i worry about the cats in her care. i worry that they may die much sooner than they would have had they been properly cared for. she has always tried to leave everything she was supposed to do to me and my sister, even though it's "her house," as she was so fond of saying. she seemed to have had children only so she could have slaves that worshipped her. she was angry when it turned out she gave birth to human beings, i guess. i spent a LOT of money when i lived there trying to help the cats with the fleas but nothing worked. mom kept saying for years she was going to take out the carpet and still never has. all she has done was get rid of the couches, setting up two lawn chairs in the living room instead.

i wish that i could keep them myself but i cannot afford them, plus my building only allows one small animal with higher rent every month and it wouldn't be right to separate them. they are from the same litter and haven't been away from each other a single day of their lives. i don't know that they could survive without each other. i miss them and it breaks my heart.

1:13 pm - 12.13.20


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