anni05's Diaryland Diary



i'm always so completely exhausted now that usually when i go to sleep, i don't have to think about anything. i drift right off. there are still occasionally times when my angry or worried thoughts keep me up for hours, but it's not every night anymore. this is only because most of my time is spent at work doing hard labor. having anxiety that gets worse all the time takes a lot out of me as well.

there's a girl on tiktok that i love who keeps saying capitalism is the root of all evil. i'm very anti-capitalism myself because of the mess it has made all of our lives (and so many are so content to not question anything so as not to rock the boat that they can't see that life is for living and enjoying and not Literally killing ourselves working just to keep a roof over our heads). it's been nice not to feel so alone with these thoughts ive been having all year. i thought i was the only one asking Why. why do we have to do this? why do people think you only have worth if you're productive? you have worth just because you exist, not because of anything you do or do not do.

thank god im not the only one that believes this was not what we were meant to be doing, that there is no shame in wanting to just be able to fucking relax and listen to music, to have nothing going on. things just got so out of control until they wanted more and more and more from us, wanted to bleed us dry, wanted to make us too fucking tired to even bother fighting them.

i wish i could see a different world in my lifetime, but the truth is that i most likely never will.

3:28 am - 12.16.20


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