anni05's Diaryland Diary



it infuriates me to see videos on tiktok of people pleading with people not to commit suicide. i know my opinion on this is probably not shared by a lot of people, but i have been really and truly suicidal for almost a year now, after all, so i actually understand it. like... i don't want my life to get better. i don't want to have a successful future or something. i simply want to stop being here. my prayers are me begging for my contract to be voided, give me anything as long as it's over. and until you've been in this place, you do not know what it's like. you feel very much like a caged animal. you're being forced to continue being alive. and the stigma behind suicide and the evil people of the past that have said it's a "sin" and you'll go to "hell" to be tortured for eternity for the crime of being mentally ill is another factor in that. to me, it's just another way to die.

so how dare you tell someone to continue suffering endlessly so that you can feel better? so you can keep them in your life? do you understand how disgustingly selfish that is? but then, there are family members of people with cancers that have extremely low survival rates that guilt them into going through chemotherapy, increasing their suffering for the very slight chance that they might survive. if that person doesn't want to go through that, what right do you have to tell them they should?

11:52 am - 12.04.20


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