anni05's Diaryland Diary



the bad: i finally snapped and yelled at that woman who puts her stuff in my area when it's not her turn yet and i feel bad about it. especially since i swore loudly as i was walking away. i have anger issues.
i suppose "yelled at" is an exaggeration though. i almost always try to remain as calm as possible. i sort of waved a hand at her and said "you gotta wait. it's not your turn yet." and when she continued putting her shit down anyway i went "or ignore me, whatever" and walked out of there as fast as i could. then Loudly Said (didn't actually yell) "jesus fucking christ"
to be exact. however, i do have anger issues and would very much like it if people would stop fucking with me so i could stop being angry.

the good: last night i had dyed my hair blue with a different brand than i usually do since i happened to find it in a box in my room (thought i'd lost it). today at the beginning of shift, the team leader for the shift before us was in my station cleaning and restocking (i feel like she pays extra attention to my stuff now and i'm not sure why, but it's nice) and randomly turned to tell me she liked my hair, to which i paused in confusion for a split second and then said "oh. thank you," and laughed a little bc i always laugh at compliments for some reason. i keep thinking about it, it brightened my day a lot. it was completely unexpected because she really doesn't make any conversation with me, it's all short sentences about work stuff. i pretty much assumed she didn't like me.

i feel like i'm typing weird today or something. it's like i really want to be seen as who i really am, but i guess that isn't easy to show even over the internet. a lot of people have totally misunderstood my character, and i've been wrong about a lot of people too. i think you probably can't really ever know someone, because you can't be inside of their brain. it's a depressing and lonely thought in a way. a part of me desperately wants someone to really see me and love me anyway.

1:52 am - 10.06.20


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