anni05's Diaryland Diary



i don't think i updated, but my saturday ended up going fine--which i knew, really, but anxiety doesn't listen to logic no matter how hard you try. it's just extra hard to do things. what is a really small thing to most people is a mountain to me. i went to the store with my dad since it would help to have someone with me somehow to be able to look around and see where things are. the time came and that task felt too big when it was an unfamiliar store in a mostly unfamiliar area (i drove through that town once when i was lost in a heavy thunderstorm that was destructive enough to have closed off my usual route home). i have a Thing about unfamiliar places, particularly when i have to drive to them. i'm very scared of just about everything, it seems. ive always been this way. but with my dad there, it went fine and i hope next saturday i will feel ready to take it on alone.

i chose to go to the laundromat at around 9 pm so there wouldn't be people around. a couple of people popped in and out briefly but that was all. i took a longer time than i probably should have at the beginning looking at everything and trying to figure out what i was supposed to do. some of the machines were unbelievably expensive to me and i was baffled by the dryers and how you put in 25 cents PER seven minutes of drying time. i guess it makes sense because people have different load sizes but i have never personally used a laundromat before, so it was weird to me. ive gone with my mother as a child, but it's not the same. i felt like a moron and was glad no one was there to see my confusion. anyone reading this probably thinks i'm stupid, lol.

i still have had no success in making myself do my dishes despite the extra time i had this weekend. another daunting task, although i can't figure out why.

2:23 am - 11.09.20


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