anni05's Diaryland Diary



i hate that i'm doing this again but there's a girl with green hair at work that's new to my line and i think she's really cute but i have no idea how to talk to her or if i even should, given my trust issues. for the second half of the night, she even worked directly across from me and i could not even look at her. i was petrified to. i was scared shed know i'm into her (maybe she already does) and it'd be really weird then because i'm obviously not good enough for her--she is so out of my league. all my life, all i've ever known is rejection and i learned from a very young age to act stone cold like i don't even know they exist so they'd have no idea and can't laugh at me or look at me like i'm disgusting. i have such horrible (and so MANY) memories of people finding out i had a crush on them in elementary school lmao. it crushed me as a kid and it would crush me now.

when am i going to be able to stop myself getting into this stuff in the first place? i'm not worth shit and love was never in the cards. i just wish i would stop setting myself up to get hurt all the time.

3:16 am - 10.23.20


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