anni05's Diaryland Diary



idk why this thing is still unlocked, honestly. probably laziness.

my saturday at moms (and my sisters new place with her boyfriend, which i hadn't been to at all yet) left me feeling pretty lonely and shitty, but that's bound to happen sometimes. mom and i had two separate arguments, and it felt a lot like i used to feel all the time when i lived with her and my sister, because i was treated really badly by them all the time. i feel like mom is only half-decent to me when kaitlin isn't around and i don't know why that is. i dont even have a possible explanation for that, even though i have one for everything. it doesn't make sense. when kaitlins around, she's mean and impatient with me and treats me like i'm a stupid child. when kaitlins around, kaitlin is the favorite despite her narcissism and the fact that she makes my mom crazy, and i'm the useless piece of shit that is no more than an animal to her. it just... doesn't make sense. is it because i'm the youngest that i'm always going to be thought of as less? what's wrong with me? what makes me deserve that?

also got left out of a joke purposely and right in front of me. kaitlin claimed i wouldn't like it and texted it to my mom. there was this pathetic moment where i checked my phone to see if she included me after all and i had no messages and i just sat there looking stupid. no one even considered my feelings for a second.

i don't understand why i'm expected not to be sad that there's no one on earth who loves me or gives a flying shit about me at all unless i can do something for them--lol, ive even had a few "friends" who pretended to like me just because i listened to their problems without judgment. i'm so stupid i didn't realize some people were like that until a girl said it to my face in high school: "i tell you things because you don't have anyone to tell."

2:49 am - 10.12.20


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