anni05's Diaryland Diary



when your one irl friend sent you just one small personal snapchat on your birthday that said "happy birthday, I love you" and you were happy about that until a few days later you go on Facebook to see that the same friend made a big Facebook post about another friend of hers where she posted pictures of them together saying they were hanging out for their birthday and saying a bunch of nice things about them (you know the ones). when you got nothing... and 3 people wrote on your wall. total.

and then she wonders why I don't trust her. after a certain point in the friendship, she always made me feel unloved and completely worthless.

I don't care that much about birthdays, really. I've only ever had 2 birthdays where I felt like people cared about me. one was my 16th when I had my friends over (because that was the time in my life where I had friends) and another was in junior high when a very temporary friend arranged for my classmates to sing for me in two different classes. but when people mostly pretend i don't exist on my birthday, that still hurts, even though that's usually how my birthday is. you never get used to it. especially when the only friend you have has to make an effort to seem like they give a shit and then shower someone else with love and affection right in front of you.

12:54 pm - 05.31.21


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