anni05's Diaryland Diary



I've been worried about my car the past couple of days, and haven't had an easy way to Google it since I don't know shit about cars. I texted my dad about it and he came over sometime during the week for about 5 minutes, barely checking it over at all and saying it was the starter (I've done more research tonight and think it is in fact actually the fuel pump... which sucks according to how much it will probably cost me. maybe I can work out a payment plan). then he gave me my Christmas present (yes, you read that right) and left without even coming in. that obviously hurt my feelings a little bit. but at least I've given up on embarrassing myself by asking if he'd like to have lunch with me and being turned down because he's tired.

I'm tired too...

this turned into another post about how I'm sad that my dad doesn't want to be around me anymore, lol, which is harder to deal with now I've got no one else and I just can't do everything alone. not when I have social anxiety.

I wish people took mental illness more seriously. it's just as serious as physical illnesses, and your mental state has a direct effect on your physical! but your mental illness is usually invisible so people think it's fine. social anxiety makes absolutely everything so, so hard. some things are even impossible. I know that one day my dad won't even be around at all, which I can't even think about... and I'll never have a significant other to help ease the burden of anything or even make me feel a little braver. I'll always be alone and I don't know what I'm going to do when the inevitable happens. die, maybe. lol

3:10 am - 03.30.21


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