anni05's Diaryland Diary



Tuesday just ended. we don't work this week again, supply chain yadda yadda. theres stuff I should do that i still can't bring myself to do. I can't just let my license expire. I'm also afraid to go to the dentist, just because I know I need to schedule a consultation with a specialist for my gum recession, and then after that more than likely a gum graft (though I will see if I can possibly do anything less invasive as if I must do a surgery, no matter how small, I WILL be demanding to be put under--i will never, ever endure local anesthesia to the gums again like I did when I was a small child. its excruciatingly painful and was extremely traumatic for me). all this is a problem unless I can somehow schedule both appointments within the same week so I can take my vacation. fmla isn't worth fucking with, I found that out the hard way when I tried to get it for my anxiety. plus, you don't get paid.

another problem is for when I will be put under. you are required to have a ride home and not drive yourself for obvious reasons. I'm sure my dad will be there for me, but I still hate asking. I've been conditioned to be really nervous about asking for big favors like that due to my mother always getting pissed off about ever having to do anything that required being a... you know... mother. anyway, dads all I have left now since most of my family won't want shit to do with me unless I'm telling them why I won't talk to my mom or even accept her money no matter how hard up I am. I don't like his political beliefs in the least but he's always been good enough to me. he's never once laid a finger on me. not ever. that's more than I can say for the rest of my immediate family. he's also always been there for me when I needed him. he may not seem to want to actually spend any time with me anymore, but if I ask... he's there. I do wish he wanted to spend time with me though. just every once in a while. I'm not really sure why he doesn't anymore.

this is rambling as usual. I don't care though, it's 3 am and I should go to bed. goodnight.

3:18 am - 03.24.21


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