anni05's Diaryland Diary



it's 7 am and I haven't been to sleep yet, though I've been trying for hours. I made plans to hang out with my friend tomorrow (ugh, I mean today) since I have the whole week off and it seems like every time I'm going to hang out with her I worry a lot that she's going to be really mean to me like she used to be. I cannot trust that she's changed as a person. I can't trust that in anybody. people who seemed much much kinder than her have turned out to be pretending. and especially with just how mean she was and how bad she made me feel every time I hung out with her, and yet she still managed to try to act like I'm the one that hurt her when it ended that time. she never had much self-awareness.

I'm scared. I always wait for the bottom to drop out, for people to fuck me over and hurt me really badly because historically, they have done that every single goddamn time. so that might be why I can't sleep. I'm scared to spend time with friends, lol. how sad is that? all I can think of is every way it could go wrong. I just want to sleep. I NEED to sleep.

7:22 am - 03.01.21


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