anni05's Diaryland Diary



my dad is coming today, and I texted him to ask what time he would be here. then I proceeded to apologize for the weather as if I personally asked the snow gods to shit all over the ground or something. then I asked if he would go with me to get groceries bc I'm concerned about driving (mostly just reversing because I THINK I could just back out and not get stuck but I'm not SURE) and he said okay. now I feel guilty because I always feel guilty about asking for anything since as I've gone over in the past, my mother made me feel like I'm a piece of shit simply for existing especially as an adult. its really hard to break that cycle of assuming you're a burden to everyone just because you're breathing the same air or something. its really hard not to feel super anxious about needing help. it is not my fault I'm a human being. it is not my fault I was neglected. its not my fault my mom doesn't love me--she is incapable of love, like voldemort.

11:50 am - 01.31.21


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