anni05's Diaryland Diary



I keep waiting for news of the snowstorm tomorrow (through Tuesday around noon, even) to change and get better. to turn out to be nothing like it so often happens here. I just have a feeling it's not going to go that way this time. winters not over yet and a second big snowstorm already, and me having a job where I only get 5 days I'm ~allowed~ to take off for the literal entire year, entirely unpaid, and one week vacation after working there two years. and me being so afraid of everything all the time, and me unable to go to a doctors appointment down the street from my apartment without taking an entire day off when my shift starts at 330 (which i leave my house for at exactly 2:00 every day). bah. id already planned to take the day tomorrow, but I don't like it. I'm two days away from my last write-up going away. still... I have to keep repeating to myself the justifications: most people will probably do the same. its more than likely going to be declared a weather day. even though I live two blocks away, i would still be risking my life and, to make matters worse, I will most certainly not be able to park when I get home as no one will have plowed our parking lot.

yeah, no one in my life or who has ever known me has any clue just how bad the anxiety/overthinking has gotten. its every detail of life, every second of every day. nothing but worry. its actually incredible I haven't got any ulcers that I know of or had a heart attack yet.

I should stop writing these when I'm in a bad mood of some sort. I annoy myself. I do wish I could be a more positive person the way people like, but alas, mental illness.

2:39 am - 01.25.21


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