anni05's Diaryland Diary



because of her, I can't even trust that someone who seems sweet is actually sweet. because under that exterior, she turned out to be vile and manipulative. I really should have taken the red flags for what they were: her sticking her lip out like a child immediately after asking her husband a favor (I despise this behavior and always have. something about it really rubs me the wrong way--manipulation is disgusting to me). her starting "discourse" about whether asexual people "belong" in the lgbtq+ (we do, the a does not fucking stand for ally because those are STRAIGHT PEOPLE and by definition they are not in our goddamn group) while knowing full well that I am on the asexual spectrum somewhere and struggle with it horribly and somehow not realizing how dehumanizing that was for me. her going on my private account to spy on me after saying she wasn't using hers anymore and never leaving a trace of her being active only to jump out to attack me the second she thought I was talking shit about her (I wasn't, and that was an invasion of my privacy. she might as well have been reading my diary every time I left the room). I should have seen the truth, but I thought to myself, no ones perfect. but fuck, she turned out to be so fake in the end and she betrayed me in so many ways. to completely ignore me like that knowing the really bad complex and abandonment issues I've developed about that due to the way people I very deeply loved routinely treated me, like I didn't even exist much less matter. and then pretend she did nothing wrong and it was my own problem for being a human being with feelings! no mention of what ben had done, thinking she was apart from that when what she was trying to do was the same. he turned me into a fucking alcoholic and you think that shit will be something ill just fucking get used to? but she probably wanted to seem totally innocent for the screenshots she was taking to show other people and talk shit about me.

no one that treats me like shit ever wants to take responsibility. they always change the narrative so they look like they did nothing wrong. this is why I fucking hate people. even the good ones that I thought were going to treat me well and it was safe to love turn out to be pieces of shit. you can't trust anyone.

this happened in May and I'm still fucked up over it. I just can't take anymore.

12:03 pm - 01.10.21


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