anni05's Diaryland Diary



the fact is that my dad doesn't know me at all either. neither of my parents have made any effort to get to know who I am as a person. they have no clue and don't seem interested in finding out. my mom has always written me off as lazy and stupid and someone who just wants to take advantage of everyone. and my dad, as it's becoming clear now, has always believed her. he's always taken her side without ever trying to hear my point of view first, like when I lost my job at 18 and got so depressed from that as well as being treated like a piece of shit for it by every single member of my household at the time that my sleeping schedule got completely flipped around. during one of the times I ran away, I got a call from my dad during the day when I had finally been able to sleep and he said in the nastiest tone he's ever directed at me, "what are you doing all day that you're so TIRED?"

I guess maybe since he was always the one who actually used the words, my whole life I've needed to believe that he was the one person in the world that loved me. but now that I realize he knows nothing about me at all, I have to ask myself how the hell he could possibly love me.

8:27 pm - 12.30.20


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