anni05's Diaryland Diary



i keep trying to call myself out on this needless, pointless worry that my (heartless) mother's feelings are badly hurt by my not showing up for christmas. why does my heart bleed for a person like her? i keep trying to ask myself, did she care any of the times you said you were hurt by her leaving you out as though you were a roommate or a dog rather than family? did she care about you when she was walking away while you tried to explain you were having an anxiety attack at thanksgiving dinner and that's why you stayed in the garage the rest of the night? did she even respond or bring it up again after you told her you were so overwhelmed you had become suicidal? and yet i can't stop feeling.

2:10 am - 12.26.20


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