anni05's Diaryland Diary



my mom still will not stop texting me. i keep ignoring them and she just asked if i wanted leftovers and now i feel obligated to reply to it with just a "no". that really annoys me. i am trying to move on and she is insistent on making herself feel like a good mother. she only ever treated me as if i was deserving of being loved when i was not living in her house and that pissed me off. my whole life has been miserable because she and my sister constantly treated me like i was fucking stupid no matter what i said, always took each other's sides even if i was in the right or just trying to express my feelings or opinions. ive been beaten, choked, called names, and had basic necessities taken away from me. the basic necessities were because i was an adult and no one can go to jail anymore for it. as if me being an adult meant i don't have any needs anymore and i'm not part of the family but a piece of dog shit. i was nothing but a burden; not a daughter, not a human being. i can't forget this. it was only happening a little over a year ago. but as soon as i move out my mom is going to sit there and pretend she cares about me? FUCK her. i didn't deserve the trauma of having a family that wouldn't love or even like me just because i existed. no one deserves that. and then, one more time, she shows me that she doesn't see me as a person and that she feels she doesn't have to treat me with any respect or human decency, that she still truly doesn't give a flying fuck about my feelings because i'm not allowed to have them. and one more time my sister takes her side because they just love making me feel like a stupid piece of shit because it makes them feel superior. and i'm fucking done. i am worth more than this. i don't care if it means i have to be all alone now. this ends now. i just wish my mom would stop fucking using me at this point to make herself feel like she's a good person and she's the victim here. she won't fucking let me out. it's disgusting.

11:31 am - 11.27.20


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