anni05's Diaryland Diary



i don't think i ever clarified during all of this chaos that it was my mother who was the one to tell me not to come over anymore. i know that is usually my role and everything, but i don't mind. it's better that way. then she can't feel as much like the victim, as i know damn well she is going to try to do anyway. i'm sure, though, that she has already conveniently forgotten that she's the one who closed that door, not me. she LOVES playing the victim. poor me, what have i done wrong for both my children to not want me in their lives anymore? LOL. she has zero self-awareness. she has no idea what she's done to us or why it's fucking wrong. like the fuckloads of both physical and emotional neglect, which affected me much more deeply than my sister and caused me to be the fucked up person i am today with a complete inability to do so much as initiate a fucking hug or understand what someone is doing when they TRY TO HUG ME. she is totally unwilling to face that she abandoned her children at very young ages for days at a time, and did this many times, because then she'd have to admit to herself that she's a self-absorbed piece of shit that is so fucking narcissistic she can't even recognize us as human beings. all we ever were to her were burdens. mouths to feed. extra money on her bills.

good fucking riddance.

3:05 am - 11.13.20


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