anni05's Diaryland Diary



now that i'm considering getting fmla for my anxiety (found out last week i could get like 3 days a month off for it if needed or something which is WILD to me bc i'm so used to no one caring and not being able to get any help) my brain won't stop trying to convince me i'm a fake and nothing's really wrong with me, that i'm just lazy and want to take advantage of the system. i feel like this is probably normal but it's fucked up. i think part of it is from how ian used to tell me i just didn't want to do anything and of course my mother, treating me like that's exactly what she thought even if she never said it out loud. however, i'm also just really fucking mean to myself.

i know that there are issues. but for some reason there's always a nasty little voice in my head telling me i'm making it all up, creating shit where there is none. ive always had to be strong and couldn't expect anyone to want to help me or be there for me. i guess in some way that messed me up.

1:39 pm - 09.09.20


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