anni05's Diaryland Diary



sometimes it feels like i don't even exist. like i've been erased from the world. no one remembering me. i just wish i'd be erased for real.

sucks even more that these aren't new feelings. ive had them for several years. it got much worse in january, and then there were less people in my life until nothing was left. a lot of this is my own fault. i cut people out of my life at the drop of a hat. these days, you only get to hurt me one time, and usually you don't get a warning before i'm gone. i am a ridiculously sensitive person, which accounts for a lot of it. ive acquired terrible trust issues. i just can't take anymore. i'm only 28 and i can't take anymore. and i know i'm never going to find someone who can live up to my expectations in a friendship, even though i don't feel i ask for much at all. i mean, i thought i'd found a great friend, even if i ignored the red flags, but she turned out to be just as shitty and manipulative as every other fucking best friend ive ever had. it's been about 3 months now i think and i still haven't fully processed what happened or how hurt i am that the person i thought was never going to betray me, did. someone i actually thought could love me unconditionally. wrong again. guess that's impossible.

this is a stupid entry. it makes me hate myself even more. i can hear every single person in my head right now that ever called me some variation of "whiny" and told me they can't stand me. teenage angst turned out to just be some kind of mental illness. i'll never not be fucking annoying and impossible to like, lol.

1:41 am - 08.13.20


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