anni05's Diaryland Diary



tonight i'm sleeping beside the letter ian sent me in like 2015 or whenever it was. i still read it over, trying to figure out if the nice things he said in it were true. it's been ten years since we were friends and i still miss him. i loved him most. will always love him most. i want him back in my life all the time. i'm just afraid that i am what caused his "collapse" and that he thinks i'm bad for him, and that's why he suddenly stopped responding on tumblr five years ago. i'm afraid that it's whats best for us to distance ourselves from each other. and most of all, that in reality he wants absolutely nothing to do with me. also, if i tried to find and message him, i'd feel like a stalker.

i wish i could stop loving the guy. it's so pathetic how many years have passed and i'm sitting here with a 5-year-old letter next to my pillow for the night to cry over.

i know i should throw it away but i won't. it's all i have left.

4:02 am - 08.13.20


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